Drive

An everyday conversation between my dad and I would go something like this:

Does Ah Gong (my grandpa) have a road named after him?

No. Why?

Oh. Because, you know how sometimes when a person simply drive and other people will be like "Oi! You think this is your grandfather's road ah?!"

Ya...

Ya! So then if Ah Gong has a road named after him, after I get my lisence, I can go there and simply drive then when people shout at me "Oi! Your grandfather's road ah?!" I can shout back at them "HELL YEAH!!!"

*stares* Crazy la you.

Whut! It could work okay.....

Can't Stop, Gotta Date With Hate

Over dinner, I was telling my parents about this place that I know that has pretty awesome pan mee. You know what the weird thing is? This time last year (heck, even six months ago) I have NEVER had pan mee. I know right?! What an atrocity. I blame it on my parents. They don't like it, so they've never brought me out to try it.

Anyway. Even though I've only newly been exposed to pan mee, I really really like it. I think at one point I was pretty much obsessed with it; I kept making KaySze bring me to this place in KL that has one of the yummiest pan mee in town (according to her lah). And according to YiMing, we're crazy for going allll the way to KL just to have lunch. Hello, woman, I study in KL. It ain't that far!

The pan mee there is soooo good. But it's not like, the flat kind of mee. It's more like, noodles. And it comes with minced pork and anchovies like regular pan mee la. Actually, I don't even know what regular pan mee is supposed to have, seeing as I've only had pan mee from three places: one from Kepong (remember, Nat??), one from the food court below UOA building and my favourite one from KL. It's off Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman.

But the first time we went, KaySze went a bit siao siao with the dried chili. Because she knows that I love eating spicy stuff, she was thinking that I would be able to handle lots of the dried chili. She heaped on two spoonfuls of the stuff, mixed it around a little, then said "I don't think this is spicy enough for you la. You need more." Poured another spoonful of dried chili in, mixed it around a litte more, said "I still think you need more." Dumped like, another spoonful of chili, mixed it properly, then passed it to me with a silly happy smile on her face.

I ate it. It was daaaaaamn spicy.

I got home. I had food poisoning.

Haha. TRUE STORY!!!

Anyway. The point of all that rubbish was to say that there's this place in KL (near Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman) that has awesome pan mee. So I told my parents about the place, and my mom snorted and said "我死也不想去!" which directly translates to "I die also don't want to go!" (Haha) So naturally, I asked why. And oh-my-shizzle, my mom's answer was so... discriminating! "There got a lot of Ah Kuas." ("There are a lot of transvestites there.")

And I thought, yeah, since they're so old skool and traditional, I can sort of get where they're coming from because that place is notorious for hookers and trannies. So I suggested that we could go during the day, when there would be lesser sexually "bizzare" people roaming about. And my dad said "Don't want la. You would still be sharing the chopsticks and cups and stuff with them right?"

And that, my dear friends, is why sometimes I absolutely hate being affiliated with my family.


PS: In case you were wondering, the pan mee place is called Restoran Kin Kin and it's at 40 Ground Floor, Jalan Dewan Sultan Sulaiman 1, Chow Kit, KL. Like I said, it's off Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman. Go GoogleMaps it.

Daddy Cool

If you think you have the lamest parents ever, take a look at what my parents did on Sunday morning. Instead of doing the usual knocking-on-the-door parental alarm clock, my mom decided to be funny and sent me an MMS.

I, and I quote YiMing, LOLIRL. Ahh, my parents: The source of my mirth.

Treat Me Well

If you are my friend, you should know that Friday was my birthday. However, you should also know that I had lots of plans on that day that do not involve my family, so we had a belated birthday celebration at Traders Hotel, KL on Saturday instead. My mom suggested the place because she had a great time celebrating it there, but I was sorely disappointed when I went there today. Like, really really disappointed.

It's not to say that the food wasn't good, it's just that the choices were very limited. It's mostly sophisticated, grown up stuff like oysters and crabs and Japanese cuisine and salads. And I don't eat crabs (in public) and oysters (at all), so that kinda just leaves me with sushi and the salad.

But I really do love their sushi. It's very fresh and they don't skimp on their portions. You know like how when you buy sushi from Jusco and the tuna or whatever is like so watery and all Mayonnaise? Well this one is just the right size and stuffed with as much filling as possible. It's really good. I can't stop saying that. It was so so so good. Which explains why there are no pictures of it because only after they're digesting in my happy tummy that I remembered that I wanted to take pictures of them. Hehe paiseh.

But I did, however, take a picture of my ais kacang. It's pretty cool because I get to pick what I want in my ais kacang, and the people who know me well know that I'm super picky with my food. Unless I'm really very hungry to the point where all I do is whine, I would actually pick out every single bit of the food that I do not like eating. Like say, if I do not like eating sawi (the vegetable that all the mamak stall like to dump into their food), I would painstakingly pick out every last one and refuse to eat it. Therefore, by the time I'm done with my food, there would be a big pile of vegetables at the side of my plate, stacked up neatly and staring at my forlornly. Poor things.

But this time I get to pick what goes into my ais kacang! I totally despise the fact that ais kacang has corn in it. It so ruins the taste. And that pink ball thingy? What's up with thaaaat? I only like to have cendol, cincau, red bean and the nuts. I mean, in like regular ais kacang la. But this one offered sago and longan! My bro and I were like "This is yummy, take more!" Then we got to customize our ais kacang by putting on the syrup and condensed milk by ourselves. It's good too, cuz some people don't like too much syrup on their ais kacang. Diabetes and all that. Pfft. Heng was like "Give me more of the condensed milk. It's very yummy. More! More! More!" And I was like "Do you want a side of diabetes with that?" And the kid actually went "The milk makes it yummy. PUT MORE!" Gosh.

We actually headed for the ais kacang first because we were so goddamn thirsty and they very surprisingly didn't have a free flow of drinks. So WTF right..

Anyway, we ate and ate and ate and got soooo full that Heng and I actually left the place to walk about and help with our digestion while the grown-ups sat there and manned the fort, so to speak. And as per usual (whenever we dine at hotels), Heng and I would go check out the poolside. So up we went, to the 33rd floor. The scenery was spectacular! I could practically see the entire KL!

See the people enjoying the KLCC park. I've actually never been inside the KLCC park. Passing by, yes. But not like, into it. It's so weird. I realize most KL people have not done the basic tourist-y stuff in KL. Like, I've never been to Cosmo World at Berjaya Times Square. How local of me. Pfft.

So anyway, the poolside is really quite pretty. They have this glass staircase that leads up to the saunas.

I would want this in my house if I was rich enough to afford a big ass house. Future partner, are you listening?! I want a big ass house! With lots of space to lounge about by the poolside.

These cushions remind me of HELP cuz they're maroon. HELP has put me off maroon furniture for god-knows-how-long. DAMN YOU HELP!! But I don't think they will match with the color scheme I have in mind anyway. Oh well.

Then my mom called and said that we should go down for deserts now because my grandma was getting tired of sitting down. The irony, right? But I guess that's what happens when you're old. I don't wanna grow old! I wanna stay at 21 forever! Forever 21. Ha-ha, not funny Jia.

So Heng and I went back and grabbed cute deserts.

I sooo wanted to steal the shot glass. I collect em. I know right, I'm so kitsch. But then the glass was dirty and all, and I didn't want to put it into my pretty bag (Coach you know. I will CRY if I get chocolate mousse all over it.) and my mom didn't want to put it into hers either so we left without it. =(

I guess whoever who's stuck not knowing what to get for my birthday in the future can get me novelty shot glasses. I will lubb you foreverrrr.

Traders Hotel actually has some pretty nice minimalist designs. Me likee a lot a lot.

I feel like I'm getting reverse vertigo. Haha! Or maybe I'm just sleepy. Oh and I just had a breakthrough epiphany! People who know me really well know that I get a little high when I'm really tired. I think I just figured out why. It's because my weirdo brain overcompensates my stubbornness of refusing to go to bed by producing and releasing too much endorphins, making me slightly high and hyper. Makes sense, right? Gosh, I'm so smart that I startle myself sometimes.

Daddy's Little Girl

Today is my birthday! You can't see it, but I'm super excited about it! I mean, I got to live till I was eighteen! Considering the abysmal way I cross the roads, I am very grateful.

So this morning, I bounded down the stairs with a spring in my step (not really) and when I got downstairs and saw my mom reading the newspaper and my dad coming into the house with breakfast in his hands, I quite literally screamed "Happy birthday to meeeeee!!!"

Haha.

My mom went "Ya hor. Happy birthday! What do you want?" and I shrugged.

Then my dad butted into the conversation:

I got you a birthday cake! =D
Oooh yay! Where is it? I don't see it! Is it in the car??
Small cake only la.
Cupcake? =D =D
Nah, your cake.

You think you would want your parents to have a sense of humor, but really, you don't.

Sesame, Smeshame

So last Sunday was my mom's birthday. My aunt brought her to Traders Hotel, KL for buffet lunch. Get this: The buffet is usually Rm90++ per head, but with my aunt's executive privilege or something like that, lunch came up to Rm45 nett per pax, including a main course, which is super cheap! My mom and my aunt spent three frickin' hours at the buffet. I think all they did was eat, then sit there and digest while gossiping, then eat some more, and sit and digest while gossiping, and repeat five times over for three hours. I shall do that too, the next time I go to a buffet! It's so smart and economical. Y'know, considering that after eating for about 15 minutes I feel like I'm already full enough.

Look! My mommy so happy. The staff at Traders sang a birthday song for her and gave her a tinny cake too. Personally, I don't like singing birthday songs, nor do I like having birthday songs sung to me. I love birthdays, don't get me wrong. It's just the singing part that gets to me. Why? I don't know. I always get embarrassed when people start singing the song to me in public. Or anywhere, for that matter. My face just flares bright red! I really don't know why, because I kinda love attention, but I dunno, the birthday song attention just seems a little forced and fake. What am I talking about?!

My mom's birthday cake. Small hor. But apparently it's super good! My mom says it's super rich and thick and chocolaty. It does look good. My mom is thinking of bringing me there for my birthday celebration. Yay! Orgasmic chocolate cake, here I come!

I think turning 50 is a very big deal, cuz my mom had a birthday lunch, then a birthday dinner! Yup, that night we had a birthday dinner for my mom with the extended family. It's such a big deal that my parents brought wine to the restaurant and even let me have a glass. Well, considering that my parents are big on the no-drinking thing, it's kind of a big thing. Even though I do drink when I'm not with them, but what they don't know won't hurt them right? Heehee. But what made things all the sweeter is that my brothers weren't allowed to drink. Okay lah, my little brother is only 15, letting him drink would mean that my parents are irresponsible, but my older brother is 21, but he's still not allowed to drink. Bwahahaha! Yes, I'm basking in my effervescent childishness.

Oh and my very annoying cousin, for some reason or another, decided to poke poke poke me with a very sharp toothpick. If it wasn't for the fact that I was sitting a mere two seats away from my dad, I would have screamed bloody murder and yanked the toothpick out of his pudgy hands and poke poke poke him back! On his pimples, no less! Yes, I'm still basking in my irrepressible childishness. Leave me be!

Which kind of made me wonder, would getting my tattoo hurt like that too? Because the toothpick really really hurt! But then I got to thinking... Shouldn't be right? Cuz the tattoo needles are very fine and um, the tattoo artists are not supposed to stab me with it. Ohmygosh, people with tatts! Reassure me! I'm getting mine done in two weeks' time. I'm nervous yet excited. I'm getting inked, yo.

Anywayyy. After dinner when we got back home, my brother was asking me to take picture of him for his Facebook profile picture because he was wearing a nice, proper button down shirt (which I picked out. Hah!).

My mommy in a dress. I only call her mommy behind her back when I don't harbor any ill feelings towards her. Look at my brother's stupid post-braces grin.

And my favourite picture of the night:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My dad is sooo lame.

Sound Effects And Overdramatic

Today I asked my mom the dumbest question ever:

"Ma, did you hear me playing the drums just now?"

Yeah like DUH. The whole neighborhood heard me.

Rapid Hope Loss

When did everything become so hard? What happened to those times when I could just smile and laugh and be happy? How did everything that felt so right, suddenly became so wrong? What went wrong where?

All these things that's happening at home is already making me feel bad. I feel so guilty for making everyone worry about me. I know what I did was wrong, I should have thought things through. And my brother and I are still in this cold war thing and it's making me feel so lonely at home. I can't tell my parents anything because whatever I do is wrong to them, and now I don't even have my brother to comfort me when I know I've screwed up and need someone to be on my side to help me fight my fight. I know the kid's has never had my best interest at heart, but at least I could count on him to cheer me up whenever my parents put me down. We used to spend hours on end just hanging out, but he's changed so much and so have I and I miss the times when things used to be easy and there were hardly any secrets between us and we had each other's backs. But all that's gone now; we've grown up and grown apart and I miss the old us.

And now my parents look at me with all that distrust and anger in their eyes and there's nothing I can do to change that because it's my fault, it's all my fault and I was just too damn proud to admit that I've messed up.

And I just realized that I am on my last chance to do well for school and I really really need to do really well to boost up my GPA or I won't be able to get into the school that I want to and it's suddenly putting a lot of pressure on me and right now I'm just breaking apart as things around me are falling apart and I don't know what to do to fix it and I don't know how and all I want to do is just sleep and hope it all goes away when I wake up. Everything I touch just turns to ashes and I'm so sick of always being the one who messes up and have everyone else clean up my mess.

I just wish for once I would be able to do something right and make the people around me proud of me, proud to be associated with me. I wish I wasn't such a mess.

Alone In This World

Whoever that said that blood is thicker than water, well, the genius has obviously never met my brother. I never thought the little cunt would sink so low. I guess even after living under the same roof with someone for 15 years, they can still surprise you. Who would have thought?

Lesson learnt. You can never trust anyone, especially your family. At least not the one you are born with. Is it any wonder that my friends, the family that I picked, are ranked higher than the family I was born with?

I know he's reading this. And I'm just gonna say I'm severing all ties with him. He is no longer my brother, I am no longer his sister. Betrayal does that to you. Who can you trust but yourself? My parents used to tell me that my friends are here for me now cuz I have something that I want, but when I need something, it will be family that will back me up.

Bullshit.

The family I belong in does not care. At least not my brother. He takes what he wants, and he gives only when he wants something back. What kind of person does that? Especially to his own sister. Nothing is a favor, everything he does for me, he expects something back or he demands his favor back.

He can rot in hell for all I care. I have never, ever, ever hated anyone so much in any moment ever in my life. The one family member I thought I could count on when I need him turns out to be a good-for-nothing, lowlife piece of shit.

And now what family am I left with?

You Don't Mess Around With Jim

A typical conversation between my dad and I goes a little like this:

Pa, why are Africans' noses so big?
Um, because they need to breathe more.
What?? Eh Pa, you do know that I'm not five anymore, right?
No! It's true! Cuz you see right, their skins are so dark so their body gets hot faster than ours do. So they need more air to circulate to cool their bodies down.
*stares blankly at him* What?
Really one! Cuz when the air goes in blablabla into the lungs blablabla need more air blablabla external air cooler than internal air blablabla regulate body temperature blablabla...
*turns to mom* Should I believe him?
No one asked you to ask such a dumb question.

The moral of the story is: Ask a dumb question, get a dumber answer in return.