Joey

I hate it when the plans I meticulously made are disrupted. I really do. I mean, it's not so bad if it's something like "I wanted to eat McDonalds, but the line is too long and I'm too hungry to queue up so I had KFC instead." but something like "Oh, I need you to cancel all your plans for the rest of the day because I need you here right now."

Usually, and if I was as tired as I was on Friday, I would have just told the person to fuck off and leave me alone. But since the said person is my new boss, I had no choice but to cancel my plans for the rest of the day (which revolved around lazing in bed watching Charlie's Angels and sleeping) to go in and work on my rest day.

But because I'm a little selfish, I told her I could only come in at 3pm because I've already made plans for the day. And off I went to catch GI JOE. Did you know that GI JOE is an abbreviation of Government Issue Joint Operating Entity? Bet you didn't! Cuz I didn't.

I've heard about this movie about four months ago. Back then, when KayKay said that she wanted to catch it in the cinemas, I was like "Meh." I just didn't get the whole GI JOE thing. I thought it was like a male version of Barbie.

Well, forgive me if I didn't grow up in the 80s! I know nothing about this franchise.

But anyway, after watching the trailer online, and seeing the Eiffel Tower crumble to the ground after being eaten by the nanomites, I was like "HELL YEAH I gotta watch this!"

So being the kiasu bitches that we are, KayKay and I both decided to catch the movie on the first day itself before we both have to head off to work. It's quite a sad predicament, seeing as how we have to squeeze in a movie before rushing off to our respective work places. But then again, I bet that's how working life is. I mean, the most part of a weekday would be occupied by work, then when you get off from work, you'll be so tired that all you want to do is stay home and rest. Wow. Being grown up really sucks. Why are all the kids in such a hurry to grow up? If I could, I would want to stay 21 forever. I think I've said that before..

Anyway.

So like I did when I went to watch Star Wars, I had no expectations for this movie because I had no idea what it was all about. However, I did have one pretty high expectation, which was Channing Tatum. I am ashamed to say that I wanted to watch this movie (initially) because Channing Tatum was in it.

I missed out the first part of the movie because we just only got into the 11am showing. But it had something to do with a disfiguration and a mask.

Then came the nice part (read: Channing Tatum came on). It all started out with the inventor of the nanomites, McCullen giving a presentation on how destructive his weaponary can be, and convincing the hotshots to buy it from him.

And from there, Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are put in charge of a team that is given the task of delivering the nanomites. I expected lots of action in this movie, but one thing I did not really expect was the humor in it. Sure, it's not the dark, sarcastic humor that I appreciate, but the kind of ribbing only guys can do with their best friends. In other words, cheap humor.

So halfway during their journey, they get attacked by this group of people with super advanced weapons. Lots of stuff being blown apart, lots of shouting. You get the picture.

Duke realizes that the girl leading the attack is none other than his old flame, Ana (Sienna Miller, but I couldn't even recognize her). Only that she's not sweet anymore, but lethal instead. So after having their asses saved by some team of super secret agents, Duke and Ripcord are brought back to the JOE's headquarters somewhere in the dessert, where they are given this intense training session to prove that they can join the JOE's.

And ooh there's this scene where Duke and Ripcord are working out and they take off their shirts and you get to see how built exactly they are. But anyway.

They figure out where the baddies are planning to release the nanomites (in Paris, DUH) and race over there to try to stop them from destroying Paris. Of course, as we all know from the trailer, they failed. But along the way to failure, they sure had a lot of fun trying to save Paris.

Honestly, I think this Paris scene is enough to make it up for the Rm26 that we paid for our tickets. I spotted a Porsche in the Paris scene. Try seeing if you can!

The unrecognizable (for me, at least) Sienna Miller as the Baroness, aka Ana.

Ohh, (SPOILER) and in some very unimaginative turn of events, we find out that McCullen is actually a greedy lil boy who sells his weapons to both sides. You know, like a double agent?

And (STILL SPOILING IT FOR YOU!) Ana works for him, as well as being his lover. It's very messed up. I certainly didn't see this twist in the plot, so I'm not gonna spoil it for you. But it involves nanomites, again.

But anyway, what happens is, there are a lot of things being blown up, a lot of people getting sliced apart, a lot of guns being shots, a lot of shouting and screaming and a whole chaotic fight scene towards the end.

Of course, being a movie that already has a pretty big fanbase (the old people from the 80s, ha-ha), it had to explain to the new fans the background of their characters. From what I know so far, they changed the story of both Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. There are a whole bunch of other characters as well, just not interesting enough for me to remember them.

However, being a good guys versus bad guys movie, it has to end with the good guys kicking the bad guys' butts and the boy getting the girl in the end.

See, good guys kicking the bad guys' butts. Ohh there's a twist here too, but because it's kind of unexpected (well, I didn't see it.) I won't say it, but it explains the rise of the Cobra, hence the title of the movie.

Also, there is a role by Victoria Secret model Karolina Kurkova in the movie. She plays one of the technicians who work under the JOE's. I didn't realize it was her until the credits started rolling and by then it was already too late and honestly, I couldn't remember seeing her in the movie. But I think she was the one who died. Oops, spoiler. Pfft.

Heavy Duty, Breaker, Duke, General Hawk, Ripcord, Scarlet and Snake Eyes.

Awesome movie, this GI JOE. I don't really know why, but I really really love this movie. Maybe as much as Transformers 2.

Rating: 4.25/5
Points taken off the scarce plot and the sometimes cheesy dialogue, as well as the predictableness of the movie. I feel like the sake of this movie is just to blow up lots of stuff, crush Paris for a change (instead of poor NY), show off cool weapons, throw about some good looking actors, and use some above average CGI. So if you don't think much and just watch it as it is, then this movie is gold.