Feeling A Moment

Sometimes when I lie in bed, I start thinking of the things we say during our waking hours. One of the things that get thrown about as though it has no weight would be those three words.

I love you.

What does that mean? Is it the feeling of knowing that you'd always be there for the other person no matter how low they sink or how hideous they become? Or is it the feeling of knowing that the person makes you happy just by sharing the same air space as you are?

How do you know that the person saying that truly means it? How do you know that they're not lying, that they're not playing you for a fool? How do you trust every single thing that they say? How do you know that? How do you make yourself believe that that one person feels everything you feel for them on the inside? And how do you know that you feel the same?

What if the love you felt for them was real, so real that it could bring you to your knees, bring tears to your eyes at the thought of losing them, bring a smile so bright to your face when you hear their voice, brings your heart racing when you lie in their arms? What if you feel that? How does the other person feel? Do they feel the same? Do they feel less? Or do they feel more?

And how do you measure up to the ghosts of past loves? How do you know that when they're with you they do not wish that you're someone else, someone who stole their hearts many nights ago? How do you know for sure that when they say that you're the only one they want to be with, that they're telling the truth? How do you know that somewhere in their hearts, they still harbor love for the ones in their past? How do you know that you're not there just for them to past time? How do you know that when they look at you, they are not silently putting you up against that benchmark of past flames? How do you know you've reached the mark? How do you know that they're not just settling, picking you because of the one that they have lost? How do you know, how do you know.

No matter how much they reassure you, there will always be that seed of doubt. When all odds are stacked up against you, do you continue to believe and love and fight against the nay-sayers? How do you know that they do not know better than you do? After all, they are not the ones blinded by love. How do you know, how do you know, how do you know. Love is not easy. It's scary as hell, putting so much faith on another person.

There has never been a relationship where two people love equally. No matter what the songs say, the poems wax, the movies show. There will never be an equal relationship. Someone has to fall first, someone has to love first, someone has to love more. But what happens when the person who loves less, decides to leave? Then what? What happens then?

I am scared.