You know, sometimes as I read through the archives of this blog, or when I immerse myself in a chick lit book or even just a click flick, I sometimes pause to wonder what is it about love that completely baffles even the smartest of all women.
This thing called love has reduced many strong women into a puddle of emotional mess. Look at the four women in Sex and the City! Yet we constantly make promises of eternal love. I guess this is what I'm getting to. The word "forever". How do we know that the one we're with is the one we're supposed to stay with forever? Do we now just randomly toss that word around?
I don't know.
It's just, at this age, this time and age where infidelity resides on every corner, where every other marriage ends up in a divorce, is it even right to use the word "forever" anymore? There's no doubt in my heart that there are some people in my life that I will love forever, but loving someone and being in love with someone are two very different things. So why is it we get them both mixed up so often? And so easily too, to boot.
A year ago, the one person who I really thought I could love forever (love, not be in love with) has changed so much that now, is a person I can hardly recognize. So what about the forever issue? Does it change? Does it fade? I don't know. I wouldn't say our break up was a messy one, because it really wasn't. It was more of a faded-out love. And even so, there's a part of me that is still bitter over S. So what happens to the promised forever?
And even with this in mind, why is it that even now, I promise a forever? Are we just dumb fucks who don't learn from past mistakes? I don't know. As much as I love how things are right now, there's always something leering in my face, telling me that it'll never work out the way we both want it to.
It could be that we're in different places in our lives right now. The whole age factor thing. Sometimes it seems like the gap isn't there at all because we get along so well. And yet sometimes, it gets hard for me to swallow the fact that this person has lived a life that I've barely set foot into. The crazy life of partying and drinking, mindless fucks and countless heartaches. The ups and downs and the lovers and the heartbreakers. Can you say you've lived life if you've never experienced all these? I don't know, to me life isn't something that you merely go through the motions for. It's something you really have to live, really have to throw yourself into to fully appreciate.
But that's another story for another day.
There's no question in my heart that I do love this person dearly, but is it inevitable that we must part ways eventually? Has the modern day's experience worn us out to fight for what truly matters to our hearts? Or have we become so jaded that we're convinced that there is no such thing as pure, everlasting love anymore?
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